When Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
- Signs Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
- When Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem Will
- What To Do When Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
- When Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem How To
Authors contributing to this blog on Disordered Gambling are all recipients of the Shannon L. Bybee Award, presented by the Nevada Council on Problem Gambling in recognition of proactive commitment to problem gambling advocacy, education, and research. If you believe that you or a loved one may have a gambling problem, please call the 24-hour. If your spouse loses his or her house or retirement to gambling losses, odds are, you've just lost yours, too. The signs of problem gambling. Some red flags are so obvious that they hardly seem. The following signs may indicate your spouse has a gambling problem: Increasing preoccupation with gambling that consumes excessive time and money Feeling the need to try to recap losses instead of calling it quits Gambling that has a negative effect on mood, behavior, relationships, and financial stability.
We ask Rachel Connor from debt advice charity StepChange, as part of Talk Money Week, to answer the following question. Join in the conversation on Twitter and tell us what you would advise.
Question
I’m worried about my husband and I think he may be hiding something from me. He seems to be getting more and more scary looking letters through the door, and they disappear quickly so I can’t see what they are.
When I ask him about them, he gets defensive and says they’re just junk mail. He goes out every evening pretty much, and most of the weekends too and my friend said she keeps seeing him at the local bookies.
When he’s in, he locks himself away in the spare room. He’s always been a bit of a gambler, but it's never been a problem before.
We’ve never been short of money in the past, but things keep going missing. Cash has disappeared from my purse and now my gold bracelet which my mother gave to me has gone.
I’ve searched the house top to bottom for it. I just don’t think I could ask if he’s stealing from me. Has he got us into trouble with money? Will he be truthful?
I have no idea what to do.
Anon, UK
Answer
Dear Anon,
I’m really sorry to hear about the stressful situation you’ve been dealing with. From what you’ve described, there’s a chance your husband may be dealing with a gambling addiction.
This can not only be difficult for him, but also for you, his partner. You clearly want to help him, but may be unsure how to support him in his recovery.
Gambling is a powerful addiction, so it’s important that you understand what your partner’s dealing with, and actions you can take/
According to the relationship counselling charity Relate, there are several danger signs of a gambling problem to look out for. Some of them seem to match up with what you’ve been witnessing lately. They include:
- Spending a lot of time away from the house and being vague or secretive about it. Some gamblers get up early in the morning to gamble while their partner or family are asleep.
- Becoming defensive whenever money is discussed.
- Hiding bank statements.
- Unexplained payments coming out of your bank account(s).
- Emotional highs and lows.
Even though your partner is the one facing the problem, how you feel is important, too.
Talk to someone
You’ve already mentioned that a friend’s noticed your husband’s behaviour. Do you trust this friend? Can you talk to them in confidence about how you’re feeling, or do you have anyone else you can talk to?
Having someone to share your feelings with can really help your own mental wellbeing.
Your GP can refer you and your partner to local support groups that specialise in gambling recovery. You could also encourage your partner to talk in confidence with their HR department or trade union about what they’re going through.
Is there any way to help your partner avoid the temptation to gamble? According to the Gambling Commission, there are over 8,500 betting shops in the UK. As a result, your partner may have to fight an impulse to gamble every time they walk along the local high street.
Have a think about the different gambling ‘triggers’ that may arise for them. For example:
- Can they take an alternative route to the shops, or to work?
- Are they pressured into gambling by friends or colleagues (during lunch breaks, on nights out etc.)?
- Are there any apps on their phone that encourage gambling?
Get support
Finally, tell your partner to get support from a gambling awareness charity such as Gamcare. They also offer confidential support and advice for family and friends of those with gambling problems.
You can contact them online or by phone on 0808 8020 133 every day 8am to midnight.
Your partner can even talk in confidence at local meetings held by Gamblers Anonymous. Sharing their problem with others who are seeking help with gambling can make them feel less alone.
Recovering from a gambling addition could take its toll, mentally and emotionally. Seek support for your mental wellbeing from charities such as Mind and Time to Talk.
If you have a mental health assistance scheme through your employer, then please take advantage of it. By giving yourself the support you need, you’ll be in a much better position to help your partner through recovery.
If your partner’s in debt due to gambling, we recommend that they get expert gambling advice as well as free and confidential debt advice.
If they don’t seek help with their addiction, there’s a high chance they may fall back into gambling, which could make their debt problem worse.
Citizens Advice has recently joined forces with GambleAware to offer support to gamblers who are also dealing with a debt problem. At StepChange Debt Charity we also offer free and confidential debt advice over the telephone and online.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to gambling problems, and different approaches work for different people. However, help is available and neither of you have to face the problem alone.
Pathological gambling can destroy marriages – and if your soon-to-be ex has a gambling addiction, you know it can be extremely difficult to deal with.
When you’re divorcing someone with a gambling problem, you face big challenges. You may even wonder whether your partner really has a gambling addiction or is just reckless and irresponsible.
Signs of a Gambling Addiction
There are many misconceptions about what makes someone a pathological gambler. Even if your partner doesn’t gamble every day or can afford to lose money, he or she might have a gambling addiction.
Signs Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
Gambling addiction is often characterized by:
When Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem Will
- Feeling the need to be secretive about gambling
- Gambling when there isn’t enough money to spare
- Having trouble controlling gambling
Why Gamblers Don’t Make Good Partners
Often, spouses and children pay the price for one person’s gambling habit. Bills may go unpaid, budgets may need to be stretched, and sometimes gambling even leads to the loss of a job.
What To Do When Your Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
It sounds like a typical cliché, but gamblers have to want to get help – you’re not going to be able to help your spouse quit gambling unless he or she realizes that it’s a problem and is willing to seek treatment for it. Even then, your partner has to stick with the treatment program and, in most cases, avoid gambling altogether.
What to Do if You Want to Divorce a Gambler
Talking to a Durham divorce lawyer should be your first step if you’re thinking about divorcing someone with a gambling problem. While well-intentioned friends and family are usually full of great advice, they may not understand the intricacies of North Carolina law.
Your attorney will be able to explain how alimony may be calculated and how your marital property (or debt) will be divided. He or she will also answer all of your questions about the divorce process based on your unique situation.